This another big story, but it’s about a big man and a big savior and that means rather a lot to write!
There are many things in life that we so desperately desire but most often, they are things that have little consequence in this life and the next.
One of the things that has been an ongoing battle for me is that my husband is just not passionate about the idea of going to church – and that is definitely an understatement.
I, on the other hand, love church …I love the community and the worship and the inspiration… and I would love more than anything for my husband to love it with me – but then it would be all about me when it is supposed to be all about God. I have to keep telling myself this – telling myself that we all worship in our own ways – and the only thing that is really important , is that we are worshipping.
So here I am, at Common Ground Constantiaberg – the church that at this stage of my life seems to fit the best. As I sit alone (without my husband, but of course coming to terms with this) I feel an indescribably peace and joy in my heart – yes …this really does fit. The girls are happy and settled in Kids Church and I am surrounded by friends and family – We are all worshipping under the same roof. This is truly a first for me!
The Church had begun a series on ‘Family’, and having our own little family, I could totally identify with all the idiosyncrasies and anecdotes that were being highlighted as normal family life. Of course I still longed for Clayton to be with me – getting the same inspiration and laughing at the same stuff.
During the following week, I had a quiet, reassuring sense that I should just ask Clayton to join me for the following two Sundays. This would usually be a huge ask, but because the message was so relevant and real, I just know that I could ask – and besides, I definitely sensed God’s big nod of approval – it was going to be ok. I was even remarkably calm when I chatted with Clayton about it, because if God was in this, then whatever the outcome, it would be a part of his perfect plan.
And so, the following Sunday, It was Clayton and I were sitting church, surrounded by friends and family and enjoying the energetic delivery of the message again by Terran. My heart felt as if it were going to explode with joy, but I had to stay as normal and calm on the outside as possible. I didn’t want to show too much excitement to Clayton – but it was still there – just beneath the surface.
We never chatted about the service afterwards, but he did say that he really got Terran. A down-to-earth, slip-slop and surf kind of guy who is the same in and out of church. In fact on that Sunday, we coincidentally bumped into Terran twice and had a chance to say Hi, so there was even a little bit of a personal reference which we would later discover had been part of Gods divine intervention.
Thursday started like any other Thursday – until the phone call came in. My father – in – law had had a stroke and Clayton was following the ambulance to the hospital to be with him. At this point we all had no idea how serious a stroke could be. We all tried to stay calm, but in the back of our minds we knew that Allan was not the healthiest of men – he had always said that he knew that he would die young.
The stress and tension became palpable when Clayton was asked to sign a waiver for the hospital to begin treating the stoke with a medication that could prove to be fatal, but it was the only option they could give. I immediately sent out a prayer request to all my friends and family.
That day, Allan was vaguely conscience and certainly aware of who was standing beside his bed. He made eye-contact with Clayton and his sister, Tatum and mom, Carol. When his partner , Justine, stood beside him, he even rolled onto his side and affectionately rubbed her arm and twirled his fingers through her hair. An expression of great love and commitment. But no one yet knew that this would be the last day they would see a glimpse of the real character of Allan.
That evening, the nurses had to eventually ask Clayton and the family to leave at 8pm so that they could begin the night time routine of bathing and turning the patients. He was in ICU and unfortunately the nurses would not allow anyone to stay beside the bed during the night. Clayton was exhausted both emotionally and physically when he arrived home that evening and I really did not know what to say or do to make the pain and anxiety go away. So instead, I climbed into bed with my journal and began praying and writing my letter of plea to the Lord. Almost instantly, I felt the presence of God and a peace settle in my heart. I didn’t feel reassured that Allan would be ok but rather I felt great comfort from the message that the Lord was with him. In fact, I had a vivid picture of Jesus sitting right there with Allan, holding his hand and whispering directly into his heart, words that were comforting and consoling. Words of love. And then Allan sat up and received the Love.
Just to put you in the picture, Allan would never have been described as a devout Christian or a church-going guy, but that night the Lord gave me this beautiful and reassuring word; “My child, I am right there with you now, and I am with Allan. I am holding him and loving him. He is not feeling alone. He has a true sense of my presence. And your prayers have been answered. He has cried out to me. His heart has turned to me for he has known me through Carol (Clays mom) for most of his life although he chose to hide his face. But now, like a child, he has stepped out from behind his mothers leg and has chosen to look me in the eye. He reaches out his hand and I take it, and we begin to walk a journey together. Fear not for I have him in my care. And I will do a miracle work through this circumstance because I want to show people my goodness, my divinity and my love. Rest in the knowledge of these things.” (I hadn’t shared this last portion with anyone yet because I didn’t understand it until after the funeral)
But I did know for sure, that God had him.
The following day was probably the hardest day of Clayton and Tatums life. They all headed to the hospital first thing in the morning but when Clayton called me a little later, it was not good news. I sobbed as I drove to be there too, knowing that this would be the last time that I would see Allan. He had deteriorated during the night which was not a good sign at all on the medication. They also suspected that he had hemorrhaged and if that was the case, it would only be a matter of time. The ‘drawing to a close’ of a live that had been lived to the fullest.
I think back on it now and I can only smile. Allan certainly had lived a life of thrill, adventure and excess, but in the end, his story followed a similar line to that of the prodigal son!
A Little History: Clayton and I had met about 5 years before, so that was when Allan became a part of my life. In the first few months of knowing him, he contracted a heart virus and ended up in hospital in a serious and critical condition. But his number had not yet been called and he walked out of the hospital on a hope and a prayer. And he knew it because he always said then that he was living on borrowed time.
But the scare did make him re-asses his life and consequently he stopped drinking which brought about a massive life-style change. Peddlers on the bend, funnily enough where Clayton and I met, lost their most loyal and regular customer. He became a family man again, almost overnight and couldn’t give enough of his time and love to his grand-children who appeared on the scene very soon after. He even sometimes watched Angus Buchan on Telly! So I was truly blessed to know only the best of him.
Back to the present day: We received the dreaded call at 3:40 on Saturday morning. His condition was rapidly deteriorating and Clayton, Tatum and Justine rushed to the hospital to be at his bedside for his final moments. The heartache was tangible when they all returned to our home. Honestly, the hardest thing in life, is saying goodbye to a loved one. We did not want to let go of the closeness of his memory so we spend whole weekend visiting all the places that he loved and sharing together, stories and memories of him.
The next stage of the process however, is absolutely the most dreaded. And arranging a memorial for a loved one is a little tricky when no-one in the immediate family is a member of any church.
But Clayton had so enjoyed Terran’s relaxed and casual approach, he felt adamant that his dad would have thought him to be the perfect person to conduct a ‘Celebration of Life’ ceremony. So we re-visited Common Ground together again, with the intention of chatting with Terran after the service. Even under these devastating circumstances it was still beautiful to sit in church beside my husband. And yes, the message about marriage was good, but to my surprise, Terran was not delivering it – in fact he wasn’t even at the church. I felt terribly awkward – that Clayton had come to church all for nothing, but I refused to let panic set in. I just knew that God had been working in this situation from the start – He would not let me down now. It was His story – not mine. So we went the help desk and a very obliging guy said that he would call Terran and let him know our plight. Someone would get back to us soonest.
Long story short (and as you can see, I really like a long story) even after being told that the church does not usually assist with weddings and funerals when the people are not members of the church, Common Ground hosted the service and Terran delivered a most incredible message. Both Terran and Blake were remarkable helpful and – even to the extent of making the whole thing happen in two days.
We were completely blown away by the amount of people that arrived to Celebrate Allan’s life with us. It was an incredibly touching and heartfelt memorial and Terran certainly did capture the essence of who Allan was – but at the end of the day his message reminded us that life is not about chasing one thrill after another or running from adventure to adventure – there is only one thing that will truly bring peace and satisfaction in our lives, and that is a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. We have been created by him and will only find our full purpose and potential in him.
The quote that the family had chosen for Allen’s memorial was by Hunter S Thompson –
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
Never could a truer word be spoken of him, except that he did not skid in alone but rather with Jesus holding his hand and leading him to a thrilling life eternal.
And to show you just how all things work together for the good …., the passage I read this morning in my ‘Prayer Time’ (the very day that I had set aside to write this story) was Romans1:17 “ ….The person in right standing before God, by trusting him, really lives.”
With God, there is always a common thread.
We just need to take his hand – and be led.