This last month has been one of extreme contrasts. I moment, I would souring through the sky’s, my dreams taking to to unexpected heights but the very next moment, I would be plummeting back down to the earth, having my stomach turn on itself sending waves of nausea through my soul and making my head spin till all I see is a hazy whiteness in front of my face.
Delight and despair blurred into one.
How do we live without letting our emotions overwhelm us and blur the significant and steadfast plans that God has for our lives?
Now-days we are surrounded by people who are dependent on medication in order to cope with their emotions which are brought on by the pressures, expectations, hurts and even thrills that this life dishes out.
But is medication the only answer? I have struggled with this for a very long time and still struggle with it today, but my experiences over this past month have helped me find a perspective which has given me clarity for my journey.
The roller coaster ride that I have experienced over the past month – the highs and lows that have made me feel like an out-of-control leaf that has been tossed around on the breeze – has all been a result of my own expectations …. my own plans that I was determined to fulfill.
I have been on a journey of setting up a new little business that I believed with all my heart, was part of Gods plan for my life. But instead of allowing it to grow at the pace that God intended it to grow, I rather listened to the voices all around me, prompting me to market, market, market in order to grow substantially.
Of course this makes sense in the economy of the world – but Gods economy works completely differently.
Its that trust, that dependency on God that I need to continue to try and master. The reality is that we do need money to survive, bread to eat and bills to pay, but if we do it Gods way, we may get there slower but we will get there well equipped and with a firm foundation.
This is what I have learned.
This holiday, I ran a holiday program for kids, hoping to double my numbers from my December adventure program. That was my goal and I was determined to achieve it. But I work alone in this venture, doing all the admin, ops and marketing with absolutely zero funding so my faith was supposed to be my firm foundation. God had given me his promise right at the outset that He will bring the people.
But where were the people?
Without the people, my faith was waning.
But the show did go on. We ran the program with minimal people – sometimes my twins made up half of the numbers – but the program was an enormous success. Those that came had one of the best days of their lives and after eight hours, when their parents came to collect them, they begged to stay on, running around the field playing imaginary spaceship and aliens on a broken down tree. Pure, simple imaginary play in the outdoors.
My heart swelled with contentment as I realized that this was what it was all about.
I had needed to learn through this experience that although we need a program, a fun structured adventure, I also needed to leave space for plenty of free-play.
Kids need a place for their own creativity to begin and blossom.
I learned more over this week with just a few kids than I ever would have learned if the program had been filled to capacity.
God always knows best.
His timing is perfect.
I will trust that He will bring the people.
I will trust that my Adventure Program will grow as and how it needs to grow and my finances will be provided for as and when the time is right.
Trust in God – we are his delight. His will and timing are always right!
PS: This morning, my daughters and I did ‘Church’ in bed and our story was Abraham Trusts God. At the end of the story, there was a prayer – Dear God, Help me to trust your promises.
A beautiful confirmation for the post that I had just written!